Reflections

I turned 21 a couple of days ago. My birthday mostly came with mid-term exams during school, and now the same in college. Last year and this year, my birthday coincided with a maths exam. Funny it is when I have a love-hate relationship with maths. But, moving on, venting out some birthday reflections.

Honestly, I wasn’t excited about turning 21. That “OH, I’M GROWING UP!!” excitement was over three years ago, and now it’s just- “Oh-NO- I’m growing up-wow!” So, am I a pessimistic person now? I don’t think so. I still think about the future with hope and open arms. But I reckon I’m more of a practical optimist now than the naive and foolishly optimistic person I was. I guess I am approaching life more practically and deeply- the big and little things alike. Does deep and practical make sense together? It may or may not, but it surely seems to be pessimistic. But I believe it’s not. It’s romanticising your life while not getting stuck in a fantasy. Does that make sense?

not taken on my birthday- but still a sunrise- through a window that saw me reflect upon all these, while it was reflecting sunlight on me.

Next, I hate to forget birthdays. I hate it when I forget their birthday, and they seem to remember mine. This isn’t about everyone-this is about my close-knit group of people. People who I care about, people who care about me. When it happens the other way around- when I remember, and they forget- I know that makes me feel like they no longer care. Perhaps I hate to forget birthdays because I know how it feels, or maybe because I like to remember. I may not remember how to take the contour integral of a function, but I remember some weird and fine details that made some people special for me- smile, smell, words, humour, presence, and whatnot. It’s hard to accept that people might have forgotten what you still remember. It is hard.

same windows, same sun- but another sunrise, another day!

So what did I do on my birthday? I slept early and woke up early. I saw the sun rise. I was thankful. I wore my favourite dress. I wore my favourite jewellery. I gave the maths exam. I ate chocolates. I thanked everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I went on to study for the next exam. To sum it up, I’m just happy that I survived another year on earth when it’s becoming harder and harder for people- or life in general. Most importantly, I know how to be content and thankful while dreaming and working towards a goal. Just like how I am deep and practical at the same time now. Does that make sense?